hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
