I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
