She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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