I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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