Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
