i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
