How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
