It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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