Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize