Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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