Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
