Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
