so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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