Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And then my night got REAL pukey
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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