I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's get the cat blown out
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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