Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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