I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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