Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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