I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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