i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize