What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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