Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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