I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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