Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
