You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
