conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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