If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
