Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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