So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
