6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize