Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
