mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
