shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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