No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
