You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
