I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
