You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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