my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
love makes seman taste better
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
