go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
