I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
