i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
