Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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