I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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