Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
