When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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