I don't usually arrange sex via text message
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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