ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
