Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
