did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
