i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
