The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize