Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
