Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
