so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
