I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
