I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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