why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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