dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
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I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
